i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
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He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
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