Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
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He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
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The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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