Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
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i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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