I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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