a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
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Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
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