I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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