If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
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After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
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And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
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