genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I am never drinking with the goths again.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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