i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
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found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
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