I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
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Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
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Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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