I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Holy sore nipples Batman
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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