I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
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Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
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