my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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