Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
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you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
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We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
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