i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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