True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize