I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Randomize