Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
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All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
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I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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