Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
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