i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
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i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
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Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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