hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
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