I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
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Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
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speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
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