you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
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