So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
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