he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
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