a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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