We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
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Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
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Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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