glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
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