He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
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