She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize