my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
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I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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