also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
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