I think I am morally bankrupt
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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