There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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