Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I'm both gender and math confused
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Randomize