she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
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His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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