There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
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Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
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You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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