On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
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He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
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You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize