Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
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Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
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Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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