i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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