I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
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He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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