i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
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We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
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