Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize