We got so high we made milksteak
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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