Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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