I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
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