Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Randomize