Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Randomize