is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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