My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize